L'existence.
Chapter 1.
I visited the food bowl for the third time in ten minutes. It was empty, but I kept hoping that perhaps a kibble or two might appear.
The lady put food in our bowls twice a day, but there was always the possibility that she might forget and feed us thrice.
This hadn’t happened yet.
Perhaps someone had a hidden treat cache tucked away somewhere. Perhaps Tux had one. This thought fortified me and I went to find him.
Tux was in his usual spot, sitting on the sill in the big bedroom, looking out the window.
I cleared my throat.
“Tux,” I said.
He didn’t answer. I tried again.
“Tux!”
He sighed. “Yes?”
“I was just wondering,” I said. “Do you have any food tucked away somewhere? You know, just a little snack?”
He was quiet for a moment.
“Do you ever think about your existence?” he said.
“My what now?” I admit, sometimes I don’t fully understand what Tux is talking about.
“Your existence. Your being alive, right now.”
“Oh,” I said. “I was just hoping you knew of a secret hidden spot for food.” I looked around the room. Nothing.
“Don’t you ever think about your existence?” Tux continued. “About how you’re alive right now, but you won’t always be?”
“I didn’t know that was even a thing,” I replied. Which was true. I never thought about being alive. And I certainly never thought about NOT being alive.
Tux had turned back to face the window. “I have a lot to think about.”
I didn’t know what there was to think about.
I tried again. “You sure you don’t have some treats stocked away somewhere?”
He didn’t respond.
I visited the food bowl for the third time in ten minutes. It was empty, but I kept hoping that perhaps a kibble or two might appear.
The lady put food in our bowls twice a day, but there was always the possibility that she might forget and feed us thrice.
This hadn’t happened yet.
Perhaps someone had a hidden treat cache tucked away somewhere. Perhaps Tux had one. This thought fortified me and I went to find him.
Tux was in his usual spot, sitting on the sill in the big bedroom, looking out the window.
I cleared my throat.
“Tux,” I said.
He didn’t answer. I tried again.
“Tux!”
He sighed. “Yes?”
“I was just wondering,” I said. “Do you have any food tucked away somewhere? You know, just a little snack?”
He was quiet for a moment.
“Do you ever think about your existence?” he said.
“My what now?” I admit, sometimes I don’t fully understand what Tux is talking about.
“Your existence. Your being alive, right now.”
“Oh,” I said. “I was just hoping you knew of a secret hidden spot for food.” I looked around the room. Nothing.
“Don’t you ever think about your existence?” Tux continued. “About how you’re alive right now, but you won’t always be?”
“I didn’t know that was even a thing,” I replied. Which was true. I never thought about being alive. And I certainly never thought about NOT being alive.
Tux had turned back to face the window. “I have a lot to think about.”
I didn’t know what there was to think about.
I tried again. “You sure you don’t have some treats stocked away somewhere?”
He didn’t respond.
Chapter 2.
I walked back over to the food bowl. It was still empty. Drat.
Herbie was out on the back patio sitting in one of the lawn chairs, licking his tail. I went through the push door and joined him.
“Hey Herbie,” I said, jumping up into a chair next to him. “Do you ever think about your existence?”
“You've been talking to Tux,” he replied, and then went back to licking.
“But do you? Do you ever think about being alive?”
“Sure I do. And I’m happy that I am.”
“But why would anyone think about it? I mean, we just are. Alive, I mean.”
“Well,” Herbie said, and then stopped to wipe some fur out of his mouth. “We weren’t always.”
This I hadn’t considered. There was a point where my memories stopped. Was I not alive then? And since Herbie is older than me...
“You were alive at a time when I was not alive,” I said.
“And you might still be alive after I am not,” he added quietly.
Oof. That was something else I hadn’t considered. No wonder Tux spends all his time looking out the window. Suddenly I wasn’t very hungry.
I walked back over to the food bowl. It was still empty. Drat.
Herbie was out on the back patio sitting in one of the lawn chairs, licking his tail. I went through the push door and joined him.
“Hey Herbie,” I said, jumping up into a chair next to him. “Do you ever think about your existence?”
“You've been talking to Tux,” he replied, and then went back to licking.
“But do you? Do you ever think about being alive?”
“Sure I do. And I’m happy that I am.”
“But why would anyone think about it? I mean, we just are. Alive, I mean.”
“Well,” Herbie said, and then stopped to wipe some fur out of his mouth. “We weren’t always.”
This I hadn’t considered. There was a point where my memories stopped. Was I not alive then? And since Herbie is older than me...
“You were alive at a time when I was not alive,” I said.
“And you might still be alive after I am not,” he added quietly.
Oof. That was something else I hadn’t considered. No wonder Tux spends all his time looking out the window. Suddenly I wasn’t very hungry.
Chapter 3.
Herbie looked surprisingly okay with all of this information. He had moved on to cleaning his front paws.
“Doesn’t all of this bother you?” I asked.
“Why would it bother me?”
“Well, I don’t want to not be alive.”
“You already were not alive.”
“Yes, but I don't remember it.”
“Then why should it bother you in the future?”
“I don’t know. It just does,” I snap. “And I don’t understand why it doesn’t bother you.”
I jumped down, a little grumpy. Doesn’t Herbie understand the magnitude of this question?
“Where are you going?”
“To figure this out.”
“Good luck with that,” he called out to me.
Hmph. I don’t even know what luck is anymore.
I wandered around the house in a funk. The world had lost its color. Suddenly all the things that I thought were important seemed so meaningless.
Why should I chase Pink Mouse anymore? I always catch him in the end.
Why bother cleaning my fur? It will just get dirty again.
Why does anyone bother to do anything? Why isn’t everyone thinking about this???
I went to lie down in my sunshine spot by the bathroom. I put my head on my paws and sighed. I did the only thing I could do in such a situation. I took a nap.
Herbie looked surprisingly okay with all of this information. He had moved on to cleaning his front paws.
“Doesn’t all of this bother you?” I asked.
“Why would it bother me?”
“Well, I don’t want to not be alive.”
“You already were not alive.”
“Yes, but I don't remember it.”
“Then why should it bother you in the future?”
“I don’t know. It just does,” I snap. “And I don’t understand why it doesn’t bother you.”
I jumped down, a little grumpy. Doesn’t Herbie understand the magnitude of this question?
“Where are you going?”
“To figure this out.”
“Good luck with that,” he called out to me.
Hmph. I don’t even know what luck is anymore.
I wandered around the house in a funk. The world had lost its color. Suddenly all the things that I thought were important seemed so meaningless.
Why should I chase Pink Mouse anymore? I always catch him in the end.
Why bother cleaning my fur? It will just get dirty again.
Why does anyone bother to do anything? Why isn’t everyone thinking about this???
I went to lie down in my sunshine spot by the bathroom. I put my head on my paws and sighed. I did the only thing I could do in such a situation. I took a nap.
Chapter 4.
I awoke to a familiar sound, a kind of rat-a-tat-tat.
It could only be one thing— the clatter of kibble in hard plastic bowls.
A warmth spread through me. Color returned to the world. My hunger manifested itself as a loving and life-giving presence.
I raced through the hallway to the kitchen and skidded to a stop. My food bowl had indeed been filled.
I dove in, ravenous. A minute later, I looked up to see both Herbie and Tux had joined me.
“You know,” said Herbie between mouthfuls, “some beings stave off feelings of meaninglessness by taking a day each week abstaining from eating.”
Before I would have rolled my eyes at such an idea. But maybe there was something to that. My feelings of meaninglessness were gone. Perhaps it is only through absence that contentment can be achieved.
I savored the last kibble and started cleaning my whiskers. I now understood why the Universe (and the lady) only allows our bowls to be full twice a day.
Although I’m going to keep looking for that hidden treat cache.
I awoke to a familiar sound, a kind of rat-a-tat-tat.
It could only be one thing— the clatter of kibble in hard plastic bowls.
A warmth spread through me. Color returned to the world. My hunger manifested itself as a loving and life-giving presence.
I raced through the hallway to the kitchen and skidded to a stop. My food bowl had indeed been filled.
I dove in, ravenous. A minute later, I looked up to see both Herbie and Tux had joined me.
“You know,” said Herbie between mouthfuls, “some beings stave off feelings of meaninglessness by taking a day each week abstaining from eating.”
Before I would have rolled my eyes at such an idea. But maybe there was something to that. My feelings of meaninglessness were gone. Perhaps it is only through absence that contentment can be achieved.
I savored the last kibble and started cleaning my whiskers. I now understood why the Universe (and the lady) only allows our bowls to be full twice a day.
Although I’m going to keep looking for that hidden treat cache.
Copyright MaryRose Lovgren 2024